Why is Thad Glad?

Author and son at an unwatchable 2019 pre-season game.

Dear NFL,

Please sit down. We need to talk.  After careful consideration, it’s clear we are going different directions.  I think we need to take a break.

Before we get into the specifics, let’s review our long meaningful history together. I want you to understand how difficult this is for me. My relationship with you and football goes back as far as I can remember. 

My first football memory is sadly learning that Johnny Unitas lost in the Super Bowl.  All I knew about football was Johnny Unitas, because as a three year old, his jersey was my favorite shirt.

My dad was a sports fan and a big football fan.  Football is one of the things that we bonded over.  I remember listening to AM sports talk with him in my home state of New Jersey in our 1970 red hobby farming GMC pickup with three on the column.  I can clearly recall cranky New York Jets fans calling in to complain that it was time for Joe Namath to go and Richard Todd to pick up the reins.  Speaking of Namath, I later remember seeing the famous “Kissing Suzy Kolber” incident on live TV and still cannot believe that happened.  I played catch with my dad with my NFL branded football that I got for Christmas in grade school.  That ball lasted a long time. When my parents got divorced, my dad moved back to the family ranch in rural Oregon.  When we spoke by phone, I could count on football being something to talk about.  Later we used football to see each other.  We traveled to three Boise State bowl games, including the great Statue of Liberty win over Oklahoma.^Son We also met for Boise State games versus Connecticut and Virginia Tech and Navy games against Army, Air Force, and Notre Dame.  As my dad’s health declined, walking around stadiums became exhausting for him.  A few years ago, after attending the Notre Dame game on Saturday, he had no energy, so we happily spent Sunday camped on the couch watching the NFL, which was a nice way to spend time together and better football.  After he died, I experienced several football moments that I looked forward to talking to my dad about before remembering that I could not.

In the 1970’s I became a Pittsburgh Stealers fan partially because they were winning but mostly because my friend Scott was a Steelers fan.  I even got a Steelers coat.  I mostly recall the joy of watching the Steelers win Super Bowls with our families, especially against the Dallas Cowboys.  My favorite players were Jack Lambert and Joe Green.  We went with Scott’s family to a Steelers pre-season game played oddly enough at Princeton University. I have no idea who they played because I was more excited about the chance to buy and detonate party poppers than pre-season football.  To this day, I think pre-season football is unwatchable. When OJ was still respectable, I wore Juice Mobile branded cleats.  I still pull OJs when I am hustling through airports. NFL, my attraction to you started early and you are part of me.

By the 1980’s I rightfully became a Giants fan – they play in New Jersey after all.  Those were some fantastic years.  Lawrence “LT” Taylor was a freak of nature.  I also thought it was great that they had a guy named Phil McConkey who caught touchdowns and had gone to the Naval Academy.

I played organized football for six years in the 1980’s.  This excludes one year of intramural tackle football at the Naval Academy.^Hagan Seriously, we had pads and everything.  In high school, football was my priority.  I lifted weights in the winter and then in the spring I competed in coach-mandated track and field so I could lift weights and secondarily throw shot and discus.^Record I played offensive and defensive tackle and was good enough to be modestly recruited by a few schools. I watched a lot of football.  My then girlfriend, now wife, still reminisces with me about watching New Year’s Day bowl games for 12 plus hours.

For college, I went to a football school.  By a football school, I do not mean to say that in the late 1980’s the Naval Academy was good at football.  I mean the school operated around football.  As Plebes (freshman), we mandatorily jogged around our thirty-three acre dorm, Bancroft Hall, yelling “Beat Army” or “Go Navy” as we squared turns to show our spirit for any sports victory over Army but mainly for the football game.   Attendance at home football games was mandatory.  Our uniforms were our tickets and we marched to the stadium well in advance of kick off.  The enthusiasm around Army week is nuts.  The entire school works itself into a spirit frenzy that you cannot imagine unless you experience it yourself. It goes without saying that we traveled to Philly for the Army-Navy game.  A loss to Army depresses the whole school.  It happened three of my four years there.  The post-game alma mater singing is still an emotional event for me and lots of other alumni.  You cannot convince me that there is a bigger sports rivalry than Army-Navy. 

At Annapolis, all the local professional football news was about the Washington Redskins.  They had some good years.  John Riggins was a beast.  I still rooted for the Giants.

After seven years in the Marines, I settled in the Chicago suburbs and adopted the Bears as my NFL team.  My son gave me Bears gear as birthday and Christmas presents.  I love putting on my #58^Roquan jersey to watch games or wearing my hats in public to show my colors. For Bears fans, it’s been a roller coaster with more lows than highs.  There were some great years of defensive dominance and one Super Bowl appearance.  Bryan Urlacher and crew rescued many games.  I eagerly anticipated any touch of the ball by kick return specialist Devin Hester, who I think needs to be in the Hall of Fame.  While there were other good moments, it seems like a constant coaching carousel.  I have grown weary of Aaron Rodgers and his comments, backed up by performance, about “owning” the Bears.  Despite the Bears mediocrity, it’s the NFL.  You know – on any given Sunday a team can win, even the Bears.  There was no reason to stop watching and there have been some pleasant surprises.  Despite having the worst record in the NFL, at least 50% of their 2022 games were entertaining and resembled professional football.  There is nowhere to go but up.

Two more words about last season: Brock Purdy.  I am a total Brock Purdy fan boy.  I loved watching Mr. Irrelevant rise from third string to achieve playoff winning performances.  I watched his first game where the 49ers beat Tom Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers and was hooked on him and the 49ers for the rest of the season.

When it comes to sports watching, I prioritize football.  Aside from dabbling with the Olympics and occasionally filling out a NCAA basketball bracket, I only watch football.^Kids

I prioritize football because I love football or at least I love the idea of football, memories of football and the meaning of football.  Lots of people have compared football as a metaphor for life, business, or war because there is a sliver of truth to it.  As a player, I loved the teamwork, the physical challenge of practice and games, and the year around preparation.  As a stoic male, it was a rare place where it was totally acceptable to let your emotions rip. Nothing beats the joy of winning.^{North Hunterdon} Nothing is worse than a tough loss.  As a fan it’s easy to internalize the wins and losses from the couch in some kind of vicarious playing experience. For me the emotions now rarely rip but they do oscillate. 

NFL, you endear friendly interactions.  I usually know who likes which teams and I use football as a nice conversation starter.  It’s even a good source of positive interactions with strangers. I enjoy the smiles I get from people wearing Green Bay Packers hats when I pass them and say “Da Bears.” I have a fond memory of a conversation with a random lady wearing a Viking’s sweatshirt at Trader Joe’s in Knoxville, when, with some schadenfreude, I informed her that the Lions were beating her team.  It’s also a source of empathy.  I often think about my neighbor Brian who is from Green Bay and is a serious Packers fan.  After what used to be a rare Packers loss, I might say to my wife.  Brian is not going to be happy.  I thought about Brian a lot in 2022. 

Now here is the hard part.  I think my issues with you NFL have been fermenting for a long time. They finally came to the surface last season and especially with Super Bowl LVII.^Age

You are probably anticipating the obvious – violence and injuries.  Yes, that is part of it.  I remember the horrific Joe Theisman injury.  I also remember people like the Steeler great Mike Webster who was crippled by CTE before dying.  I loved to watch Junior Seao, another CTE victim.  I rationalize the violence because players now know the risk and are choosing to play anyway.  Despite years of avoiding CTE accountability, I think you have taken many steps to improve the safety of the game.  However, I watched the Bills-Bengals game on Monday Night.  I saw the Damar Hamlin injury live and on replay.  I had a real sense of fear that I had witnessed an actual death in football. Fortunately, Damar is on the path to recovery.  Fortunately for fans we did not see his death. The players can choose to participate.  I do not have too.

NFL, you are a business.  After a twenty-five year corporate career, let’s say I developed a certain lens through which I view business.  For example, I have learned that no matter how altruistic a publicly traded company’s public statement may sound, it’s directly or indirectly about their share price.  For politicians, it’s about elections.^Liz   For you NFL, it is about what else? Business.  Your business is about getting and keeping loyal fans who watch, spend, and engage with you and your partners and advertisers in new ways.  I am seeing your actions more and more through this lens.  Some might call this lens cynicism.

You are too needy.  You demand too much of my time.   Once upon a time, the NFL season was twelve games, then sixteen, now its seventeen.  You used to only ask for three games per week, two on Sunday and one on Monday.  With the addition of Thursday and Sunday night games, you now want me to watch five per week.  It’s too much.

While your neediness is negatively affecting me, I have to admit it’s not all your fault.  I cannot seem to watch you without drinking beer.  You and beer go together like nothing else.  With nine hours of football on Sunday alone, that could be a lot of beer.  Even though I am semi-retired, I still have to get up on Monday morning, regardless of how much I drank on Sunday.^Turkeys  In my advancing age, I find it more difficult to sleep and a lot harder to hit the gym after football inspired binging.  I also keep hearing Dean Wormer’s voice in my head “…fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.” 

The lens we spoke about earlier is making me question your sincerity. My favorite Rahm Emanual quote is “You never let a good crisis go to waste.”  This could be your quote.  At one time there seemed to be a fair number of issues with your treatment of women, some people might even call them crimes. You know America loves its women.  You also know that men mostly watch the NFL. You found an opportunity to address both issues with the help of cancer. Everybody hates cancer. Genius, celebrate breast cancer awareness, prove you support women, and maybe get more women to watch because you care about their health.  Worst case you get some dudes to buy their significant female other a cool pink game jersey.  Cha ching.

What else does America love?  It was right in front of you, and you seized it.  We love war and we love our veterans.  You play on our militaristic yearning by celebrating Veteran’s Day all month.  You ingeniously connected the NFL to patriotism. As a veteran myself, I really like the tactical style NFL gear worn by coaches and players on the sidelines.  I kind of want to buy them because they will make me feel manly, like a warrior.  They give off a real Volodymyr Zelenskyy vibe.  Oh wait, his game is life and death.  Stop playing on male fantasies about being heroic warriors as football fans. Please. I meant it. War is serious. Football is entertainment.

I would be remiss in not mentioning race relations.  Clearly racism has been and still is an issue in America.  There are lots of stories about racial divisions through the history of football. The Colin Kaepernick situation inflamed it.  Personally, I have a little negative patriotic emotional reaction to his kneeling during the National Anthem, but really, it was harmless.  It’s a free country and if a grown man wants to kneel, let him, especially if it is based on a legitimately felt concern.  The sad part is that the patriotic and militarized fan base fueled by culture warring media exploited the whole situation.  You were in a hard place – caught between viewership and a largely black playership.  It had to be tough.  Your owners did not make it better, they knew who butters the proverbial bread.  Bye bye Colin.

Like many, you knew that the George Floyd killing was a sign that America still needed to address race problems.  I want to believe your heart is in the right place but am not sure.  You leveraged the NFL media machine to demonstrate your commitment to treating black Americans with the humanity that they deserve.  You continue to display Black Lives Matter slogans and imagery.  You play “Lift Every Voice and Sing” at football games even though some fans cannot stand its alternate name “The Black National Anthem”.  You minimize the backlash by playing it when most people are not looking.  I have never seen it on a gamecast but saw lots of criticism on Twitter. Are you pandering or are you improving things?

The in-game celebrations are too much.  You could tone it down a little. I hate to be a buzz kill and do want players to have fun.  However, celebrations are now less about spontaneous emotion than players’ carefully crafted personal branding – think about the Viking Justin Jefferson and his “Griddy Dance.”^TicToc  The typical group celebrations in end zones seem way too rehearsed. Stop covering them on TV. During the latest Super Bowl, Travis Kelse’s, “Stanky Leg” celebration crossed the border into obscenity.^Homoerotic  My exception is Gronk, aka Rob Gronkowski.  His massive spike was a thing of brief bold beauty.   Please encourage short spontaneous celebrations and go back to throwing flags for the premeditated and distasteful stuff.

Speaking of obscene, can you reduce the sexualization of Super Bowl half time shows just a little.  Maybe I am getting too conservative with age because I think Rihanna’s recent performance had a tad too much hip thrusting and nether region grabbing.^Freud

NFL, I really like your first family – the Mannings.  Archie played before my time, but I watched a lot of Peyton and Eli. They had great careers and seemed to comport themselves with a high degree of personal integrity and professionalism.  Manning commercials are always entertaining and a welcome distraction from whatever product they are promoting.  NFL, I think you and your first family sold your souls.  Gambling is bad news.  It’s an addictive and life ruining habit.  I cannot imagine the damage that is going to be done when you mix the passion of sports fans fueled by the fantasy of easy money with technology employed by social media companies to keep people “engaged’ with their devices.  In other words, people who are already addicted to sports and their phones can now access an addictive betting app that takes their money.  Gambling has never been my thing.  I think it’s for math challenged people, who do not understand that the possibility of winning money is dwarfed by taxes extracted by governments, profits made by the NFL’s preferred sports betting partners, and licensing revenue paid to the NFL.  It cannot be cheap to pay four Manning’s to appear in one Caesar’s commercial – Cooper even gets a cut.

NFL, must you continue to ask politicians to fund your stadiums?  Please stop, they have no concept of fiscal discipline and cannot help themselves.

After reading this, I hope you agree that our values are no longer aligned and it’s time for a break, maybe even a trial separation before a full on split. 

I wanted to write this sooner but have been too distracted by optimistically following the Bears draft and free agency, while praying that Aaron Rodgers retires or goes to the Jets.  Let’s schedule the break after the draft.

The real test will come in the fall.  Hopefully, by the start of the season, I will have figured out what to do with all my free time – easily 15 hours per week over 17 weeks, excluding compulsive score checking on my phone.  My challenge is how to productively fill those 255+ hours. 

It gets worse because I will also have to face similar moral questions about watching college football which has evolved into a big business like you, NFL.  That leaves me with Army-Navy and Navy-Airforce. I guess could try high school football.

NFL, I think my biggest problem with breaking up with you is that it feels like I am breaking up with America and a lot of Americans.  It’s not going to be easy. I pray for strength.

I hope we can still be friends because there is a good chance that I will beg forgiveness and come crawling back by September.

Cutting Room Floor:  Bloopers and Footnotes

^SonMy son and I traveled to watch Boise State vs Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl in Phoenix.  The game was on New Year’s Day and we were flying out on New Year’s Eve.  Due to a mechanical problem the flight was severely delayed in Milwaukee.  With the airport shutdown because all the other flights had departed, we had nothing to do.  Fortunately, we bought a small foam Green Bay Packers football and had fun throwing it around in the terminal.  This trip was a great experience for me with my dad and my son.  The Boise State comeback and overtime victory made the game the best spectator event in my life.

^HaganI only have one memory of intramural tackle football, which I played with my two Naval Academy roommates during my sophomore year.  In this memory, the roommate who did not play high school football played receiver and found himself wide open in the end zone.  Our quarterback threw him a near perfect pass that would have been a sure touchdown had my roommate not attempted to catch the pass with his face mask.  The ball bounced high into the air before hitting the ground.  I am still cracking up at the thought of this.  My apologies for opening old wounds if you are reading this.

^RecordI competed in Track and Field to improve at football.  However, I really enjoyed the throwing events and in my senior year set the school record for the discus. It still stands nearly 40 years later.  If I were to have a tombstone, which I am totally against, I would like it to say something like “Here lies Thad Smith, loyal son, husband and father; Marine Corps Veteran; High School Discus Record Holder.”  Seriously, no tombstone but remember the discus record.

^RoquanMy son decided to get us both Bears jerseys and asked me what player I wanted.  As a lineman, I was totally against getting any “skills player” number.  My favorite players are often linebackers which led me to #58 for Roquan Smith the stud linebacker from Georgia who the Bears sent to Baltimore last season. The real draw was the chance to have “Smith” on the back so when people ask me whose number I have.  I can tell them mine, see it says Smith.

^Kids This paragraph has a small lie about my sports watching prioritization.  I would always prioritize watching my kids play sports. I especially loved high school volleyball and lacrosse games. Once they left for college, I really missed going to their games.

^{North Hunterdon} My all-time favorite sports moment was the time Voorhees High School beat our rival North Hunterdon in the annual milk can rivalry game in 1982. My life was on a big upswing then.  I had started dating my first and only serious girlfriend, now wife.  I had become a starter on the offensive line and was playing well.  We won 8-7 at the end of the fourth quarter on a trick extra point play called “Water Bucket.”  I remember the eruption in the stands at the end of the game.  I remember hugging my girlfriend when she rushed the field with my mom.  It was awesome. It is still awesome.

^Age The fun thing about Super Bowl numbers is that they match my age.  For example, this year I remember that its Super Bowl 57 because I am 57.  I am anticipating the opposite when I get senile. When that happens, I will remember my age based on the Super Bowl.

^LizLiz Cheney is an anomaly as were a few others.  She stuck to her Wyoming guns and would not pander to Trump claims that the election was stolen.  She did not shy from criticizing his un-presidential and un-American behavior. Perhaps my statement about politicians only caring about elections was too much.  I hope it was.

^TurkeysA saying that sticks with me from USMC training is “If you are going to soar with the eagles, you have to rise with the turkeys.” What this means to me is no matter how much you drank the night before, you still get up and do your work or do your workout the next morning.  A hangover is never an excuse and especially not one mentioned out loud.

^TicTocMy daughter is more socially aware than I am and she is also more politically left leaning than I am. She contends that my views about the Griddy and Stanky Leg likely reflect an unexamined generational and racial divide.  These dances are popular on social media and the players are just doing what is popular. She may have some points but the only context I have for them is football. While I do not deny that I may be a reactionary, I am still for banning both from football. However, I am fully in support of both on Tic Toc, which is surely a reactionary free zone.  NFL, if you agree to my proposed ban to get me back in your good graces, please let me know so that I can market “Let Justin Griddy” t-shirts.

^Homoerotic The famous psychiatrist Carl Jung once wrote “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” I have been trying to think about irritating situations in this light.  Before I get into it, you need to know that I identify as 110% heterosexual.  I admit that something about Travis Kelse’s dance celebration irritated me, and I am not sure what it was. I am also going to say that if I ever want to consider that I am maybe only 100% heterosexual, I will do it while watching Jason Momoa in “Game of Thrones,” when he was at peak hotness.

^Freud There is a Freudian concept called the Madonna-whore complex, which does not sound politically correct in 2023.  I think I might have elements of it.  Related to the Jung quote above, I think this complex is the reason for my issue with the Rihanna performance.  Rihanna performed while clearly with child.  In this Madonna like state, I found her nether region grabbing to be quite distasteful.  Perhaps had she not been expectant, I would have watched her titillating performance and, in Freudian language, whore-like hand motions without revulsion and maybe even enjoyment. In other words, its me not her.